As long as I remember what it was like to love you, I’ll always feel like I’m alive.
requested by dreamsbecamenightmares
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Isabelle stood in the doorway, feeling lost and helpless. She needed a few minutes before she finally closed the door behind her and walked over to Magnus. “I won’t go”, she said am brushed a strand of her wet hair away. Isabelle had loved her brother more than…
Isabelle froze when Magnus wrapped his arms around her, trying not to break. “I can’t say goodbye to him. I can’t go there and realize he is really gone because I cannot live without him. I need him so much and I failed him! First Max, now Alec! I should have protected him!”’ Isabelle cried out and buried her face against Magnus’ chest, giving in to the tears that she finally allowed to run down her face and shake her body in violent sobs. “I’m sorry…I’m sorry he is gone and you lost him”, she sobbed and looked up at Magnus.
Isabelle didn’t know why she found herself in front of Magnus’ door. She knocked before she could stop herself from doing it and the doof flung open an instant later. Startled, the young woman stood in the doorway, he rain soaked clothes leaving puddles of water…
Isabelle stood in the doorway, feeling lost and helpless. She needed a few minutes before she finally closed the door behind her and walked over to Magnus. “I won’t go”, she said am brushed a strand of her wet hair away. Isabelle had loved her brother more than anyone else in the world and the idea of standing at his grave was unbearable for her. “I just…can’t. I can’t take it. And if you can’t go, I thought I could just…stay with you.” Her dark eyes were filled with tears and she furiously blinked them away because she didn’t want to cry in front of Magnus.
Magnus sat in the window looking out. It was great to have these really wide windowsills you could sit on. Ever since Alec’s death he’d spent a lot of time there, nearly all his time. He was spinning the ring on his finger, alec’s family ring and the only ring that the warlock wore anymore….
Isabelle didn’t know why she found herself in front of Magnus’ door. She knocked before she could stop herself from doing it and the doof flung open an instant later. Startled, the young woman stood in the doorway, he rain soaked clothes leaving puddles of water wherever she walked. If anyone understood her pain, then it was Magnus. Losing Alec was the worst thing that had ever happened to Iz and she didn’t know how to deal with it. “Hey…”, her voice wasn’t much more than a whisper.
"I heard that!" She called . Isabelle took the glass and looked at it, "I hope this is vodka." She took a big sip and put the glass down. "This isn’t vodka." She murmured and drank the rest before shaking her head. "Nooooo! I don’t want to go to bed!" She whined like a small child.
"Rawr." Isabelle replied like a sassy child. She sat on her heels and crossed her arms over her chest staring at Tessa with a taunting smile on her face. "Oh yeah? Make me!" She squealed and began bouncing up and down on the bed like a hyperactive eight year old.
"Izzy!", Tessa warned when the girl started bouncing around, but it was already too late. The warlock lost her balance and fell out of her bed, landing flat on the carpet.
"Oops." Isabelle stopped bouncing and scooted closer to the edge of the bed, looking down. "You fell." She stated, "So…. No more bouncing I suppose?" She asked, but there was a smile tugging at the corners of her lips and Izzy was trying to stop herself from laughing too hard.
Tessa rolled her eyes and glared up at Isabelle. “No, no more bouncing or I will call your mother to pick you up here, missy”, she hissed, getting up from the floor. “Why did you get drunk like that anyway?”, Tess asked and frowned.
Not a day went by when Alec didn’t think of that dreadful day when he had lost everything. His only crime had been love and for that they had burned…
Isabelle didn’t understand. Alec had given up Magnus because he had been taken away from his family? “Why have you done that? You could have been at least happy with him”, she sobbed and again wrapped her arms around her brother. “Let them come. Remember years ago when I told you that as soon as I will be of age, I will break every freaking rule the Clave ever made? I already broke most of them at least once. Dad is absolutely furious with me for years now but I don’t give a shit. I will NOT leave you again and if I have to leave a mundane life like you, I will gladly do it.” In fact, she didn’t know what it was like to be a mundane but if it meant to be with Alec, she could deal with it. “Come, you’re gonna catch a cold”, she said after a moment and pointed down the street. “I live 5 minutes away from here. My husband is at work and I live in a house full of mundanes who will not suspect a thing if I bring another one home”, she said but instead of waiting for an answer, she just took him with her, keeping his hand firmly in hers and nearly dragging him after her until they reached her home, an old little house similar to the one Clary had lived in once, but free of demons. She fumbled for the keys in her pocked and signed Alec to follow her as she opened the door, leading him into her small but cozy apartment. “Take off your wet clothes, I’ll bring you some of Seth”, Izzy said and vanished into the bedroom to come back with a fresh shirt and a pair of pants. “He should be about your size. The bathroom is over there. I’ll make tea”, she added and took the tea kettle from the stove to fill it and boil water.
Alec had been trying to call Izzy several times on his way back to the Institute. He had promised to pick up food but now she wasn’t answering so he hurried home instead. As he entered the massive doors of the Institute he saw her, fear gripping his chest and making it difficult to breathe. “Izzy!” He called out, running over and sliding the last few feet on his knees, to get to her side as fast as possible. He pulled the rope hard, making the emergency bells ring out through the church but it all seemed quiet except for Izzy’s pained whimpers. “Izzy. What happened? What’s wrong?” He asked frantically, looking her over, taking her hands so he could examine her without her stopping him. It cut through his heart like a knife to see her like this. “Izzy.. Where are you hurt, what happened??” He took out his stele to draw an iratze quickly on the inside of her arm, hoping it would help but not able to see any wound or injury.
“That son of a…”, growled Isabelle and bit her lip to stop herself from bursting into a temper tantrum. “Oh one more year and I will be 18. Boy I will tear the council apart, believe me, they will change the rules to no women allowed when I am done with breaking every fucking stupid rule they ever invented.” Isabelle was furious about the whole incident but still snuggled into her brother and Magnus at the same time, smiling softly. “I second that. Who needs stupid councils and fathers anyways”, she mumbled and closed her eyes for a moment, before she heard the door close and looked up to see their mother walking in. She faked a smile and didn’t stop taking care of Isabelle for two hours straight, forcing her to eat and drink, wiping her face after she vomited everything out again, put her to bed and talked her ear off. Isabelle let her because it was rare that her mother actually cared for her so much. She had stopped doing that a long time ago because she was always busy working. Alec was the one who had actually raised her, not Maryse. Around six in the evening she sank into a deep sleep, totally forgetting about poor Simon because her mother had occupied her so much she had even scared Alec and Magnus off. Izzy woke in the middle of the night, covered in sweat and feeling sick and weak. She peeled the blanket off her legs and made a careful attempt to stand on her own two legs again. Her legs buckled under her weight but she pulled herself up, ignoring the pain that bolted up her spine. After a few steps she could walk, steadying herself with one hand on the wall. She left her room and made her way through the dark corridor to the room next to hers which she entered quietly. “Alec?”, she whispered, approaching his bed. “Can I sleep in your bed?” She had done that a lot when they had been kids, whenever she had nightmares basically and sometimes just for fun. There had been times when Jace would have come over as well and would have snuggled with them. She missed those times when they had been a team and family, long before everything started to fall apart.
"Izzy, take it easy. No need getting yourself upset." He scolded her playfully, sounding so much like his own father sometimes it scared him. Their mother came in with a soft smile, fuzzing over Isabelle and after a few failing attempts at getting Maryse to leave her only daughter alone Alec chuckled, kissed Izzy’s cheek and pulled Magnus with him out of the room. He would be lying if he said he wasn’t still worried but their mother would stay with her now and the silent brothers were mere seconds away. He tried to relax as they walked into his room before he stopped and blushed. "Sorry.. I wasn’t implying… I just." He started stuttering but the warlock just chuckled and pulled Alec into a relaxing embrace, stroking his soft hair, which now smelled of lemon instead of dirt and sweat. "Thank you for being here.. I would understand if you wanted to leave now." He mumbled into the hug, gripping the warlock tightly just incase it was the last time he would be able to. Magnus pulled away with a smile, holding Alec’s hands and looking into his eyes for the longest time before moving forward to press their lips together lightly. "I do have to leave but in no way does that mean I want to. You have me, Alec.. you always did. I was always yours, from the second we met. Call me." He grinned, teasing Alec with the first phrase Magnus had spoken to him, rendering Alec a stuttering, blushing mess that Jace literally had to drag from the party. They parted ways, Magnus going home to work and sleep, and Alec crawled into his bed. He fell asleep within seconds and groaned when he was woken up not long after. "Izzy. What are you.. why are you up?" Alec rubbed his eyes with a sleepy smile. "Of course you can, brat. Are you okay?" He asked with a crooked smile, pulling the covers back and pulling Isabelle into his side.
Izzy was kind of glad Magnus was not sleeping next to Alec because it would have been rather awkward to share a bed with him and her brother. It took Alec only seconds to wake up and Izzy smiled a little as he lifted the blanket for her, slipping under it as careful as possible. “Yeah I guess”, she answered to his question if she was okay and snuggled against her brother’s chest. “I just felt lonely in my room”, she admitted childishly and giggled. The cold hearted, tough Isabelle Lightwood was sometimes soft around the edges when she was with her brother and only in his presence she allowed herself to be herself. After all, she was just sixteen and basically a kid, so it was natural that she needed company when she was sick. “Sorry for waking you up, go on sleeping”, she whispered and kissed her brother’s cheek, curling up next to him and inhaling his smell. She feel asleep within seconds and only woke up when the sun tickled her nose, opening her eyes and yawning a little, still having one arm wrapped around Alec. They hadn’t slept like that for ages and she felt warm and fuzzy inside waking up next to him. For a while she waited until Alec woke up and smiled at her brother. “Good morning, sunshine”, she teased and enjoyed the warm sunlight on her face. “I want to shower”, she decided, not sure though if she was able to do it. She was still weak and her legs hated her, but she felt gross and dirty with layers of dry sweat plastered to her body.
Alec groaned in the morning sunlight, burrying his face in Izzy’s hair at her cheery morning greeting. He was definitely not a morning person but his sister was awake and perky as always so he sat up slowly, rubbing his eyes. “Then go shower. I’m not stopping you.” He chuckled, crawlking out of bed and very gently picking her up again, the way he had done when they were younger and Izzy had fallen asleep in the libraryor the weapons room, refusing to go to bed. “Considering your strict orders of resting and the way you cringe as I move you, maybe a bath is better?” He asked, setting her down on the edge of the tub, waiting to see what she wanted to do. Alec was determined to be there for her, helping her through this and not leaving her alone to fall or be in even more pain. “Maybe warm water will help the pain?” He commented with a raised eyebrow and a slight smile. He tried his absolute hardest to try to be in a good mood and not scare or worry his sister.
Iz wanted to protest when Alec picked her up but let him do it in the end because it was fun. The porcelain of the tub was cold against her skin and she enjoyed it, looking up at Alec and smiled. “Bath sounds good”, she agreed and turned the hot water on. “You can go, get some breakfast, I’ll be fine”, she said to Alec, trying to release him from his duty as her guard. They were no kids anymore and undressing in front of him wasn’t exactly what she wanted so she waited until he had left the bathroom and slowly peeled the clothes off her tortured body. When the tub was filled with warm water, she carefully slid into it, feeling the pain ease a bit because of the warmth. For a while she just relaxed in the water, eyes closed, until she started to freeze and rose from the water, feeling dizzy and nauseous. She wrapped herself in some towels, not willing to put on the dirty clothes again and brushed her teeth, combed her wet hair and looked at her face in the mirror. She had never looked more horrible, with dark circles under her eyes, pale and dry skin and cracked lips from the fever. Nonetheless she fought the desire to put some makeup on and was about to exit the bathroom when a wave of severe nausea washed over her without a warning and she barely made it to the toilet, throwing up nothing but bile for minutes, because the gag reflex wouldn’t stop. Her stomach hurt like hell and she wrapped her arms around herself, sinking on the floor next to the toilet with cold sweat on her forehead because her blood pressure dropped.
Okay so Alec was an overprotective brother.. Who could really blame him now anyways. He promised to leave her alone and get some breakfast but instead he had closed the bathroom door behind her and settled for reading in the chair by his window. He didn’t like leaving her alone in her ill health so he stayed close. When he heard her get up from the bath and seconds later throw up in the toilet he was extremely glad he did. Alec dropped the book to the floor, rushing to the bathroom and finding her on the tile floor, shaking and sweating. “Izzy.” He called out in alarm, sitting down next to her and stroking her hair back. “I’m gonna lift you really slowly, okay?” He spoke softly, trying to smile reassuringly at her before putting his arms under her very carefully, keeping the big, fluffy towel around her as he carried her to his bed, laying her down gently. “It’s okay, Iz.. It’ll be okay.” He whispered, setting a bucket from the bathroom next to her incase she needed it and then he rushed to the library to get Jem in record speed, not wanting to leave Izzy alone for longer than absolutely necessary. Jem rushed to his room when he told him Izzy was as Alec told their mother what had happened. Fear was gripping his chest again and he needed to be at Isabelle’s side, rushing back to his bedroom.
Isabelle was glad her brother was nearby because she couldn’t really get up on her own two feet anymore. “Okay”, she whispered when he lifted her up and carried her over into his bed, frustrated with herself because she had felt so good when she woke up and now she was back to her weak and bad self. She hated it to be dependent on other people that much and even though she appreciated the help, she hated it all the same. Alec disappeared for a moment and came back with Jem who carefully examined her. She felt really bad for the Silent Brother who had to hold the bucket for her when she vomited again, throwing up blood just the moment Alec came back. Jem gently stroked her sweaty forehead and put down the bucket, smiling a little. “Your blood pressure is extremely low from the pain, the poison in your system and the lack of water and food. The bath was not the best idea because it lowered it even further. Your stomach is really upset from the demon poison which has settled down in your kidneys and is now spreading through your system again, making you sick. It’s not life threatening but I agree that it’s not nice either.” He turned towards Alec. “I will contact Catarina, a warlock friend of Magnus. She works at a local hospital and she can organize IV fluids for Isabelle. I think this would be the best right now as she can’t keep anything down”, he explained and got up from the bed. “I will be back in a bit.” With that he left the room and Isabelle sighed heavily. “I hate it. I want to be back to normal”, she mumbled under her breath.
Not a day went by when Alec didn’t think of that dreadful day when he had lost everything. His only crime had been love and for that they had burned the marks from his body and…
She was well aware of the fact that she was not only putting herself in danger but also her husband and her child but she didn’t care. It had been too much and she rather lived a life in exile than one without him. Ten years had been a long time and she still wasn’t able to cope with losing Alec as well as Max. Just because he wasn’t buried in the city of bones didn’t mean anything because he had to be dead for her. “I don’t care”, she sobbed and held his hand tightly in her own, afraid he would run away. “I can’t handle it anymore. I can’t live without you anymore, Alec. They already took everything away from me when they exiled you. I can not go on living when the best part of me is missing.” Tears steamed in rivers down her face and she angrily wiped them away, mixing them with the rain on her hand. “I don’t care if they exile me. Hey cannot separate us any longer. We belong together Alec! Without you I am nothing and the past ten years were the worst of my life. Not having you with me when I grew up, married and led a life far away from New York was more than I could handle. So don’t tell me to leave you because I won’t. Never again!” She had wanted to say something completely different. She had wanted to yell at him for having chosen his love over her, his family but instead her heart made the decision to choose her words and all the pain of ten years broke out of her.